


Bitches Ain't Shit

by 13ineedpills13



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Absent Parents, Crack, Gen, Humor, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13ineedpills13/pseuds/13ineedpills13
Summary: "Can you play the guitar-""Ukulele.""Fine. Ukulele. Can you play it?""I can.""Great. Play us a song then."The younger human stared into the eyes of his twin, as if there was a camera there, with a blank face and eyes that twinkled with excitement. "It's time."-Noah plays ukulele.Noel is done with his shit.
Kudos: 11





	Bitches Ain't Shit

Noah started to learn how to play the ukulele, just because he wanted to play a few stupid songs. It was a very frustrating experience since he alwaus believed that the lump of fuck he called a brain was capable of actually learning something. But the end result was clear, it was one of his legendary strengths in his sad, single life.

But that was about to change. He was either going to loose all the respect of demonesses he knew along with his twin brother since that motherfucker has just discovered that he had a cross-dressing fetish, or gain the respect of the brothers. Maybe Solomon. Actually no, definetly Solomon.

He sat down on his ass in the common area, next to the fireplace that was crackling and tea was served by Barbatos. The soft noises of the tea cups clanking agganist the table, the swirling of the tea spoons inside the cups for the sugar, and the smell of the pumpkin dessert in front of him made him feel oddly at home. He stared at his twin, who was already stuffing his face with the soft, sherbety (despite to common knowledge, sherbet wasn't a drink in their mother's country. It was literally sugary, boiled water and was used in sweets after they were baked) goodness. 

The pumpkin was soft and orange, the sherbet didn't made it too sweet. It's shell was kind of hard, but the orange part had a consistency slightly similar to peanut bitter. Barbatos was kind enough to spare them two plates without crushed hazelnuts on the dessert, saving them the trouble of slidimg them off of the pumpkin. He knew they both hated it. "It's been a while since I last ate this... How did you even know it was our favorite?" Noah asked with his mouth full, smiling at the wonderful taste.

"And then I decided to add 2 tea spoons of cinnamon. It went well with the vanilla pudding." Barbatos pretended to not hear the question and continued to talk with the young angel, who has been listening to him intensely.

"Don't ignore me- Whatever bitch. Do whatever you want." Noah said with a bitter tone and crossed his arms, frowning.

"Noah, quiet! I'm listening to Barbatos!"

"His voice will be the last thing you hear with that attitude."

"Don't talk to Barbatos' son like that." Noel mocked quietly, getting the attention of a certain white haired sorcerer. Solomon, who was drinking a weird combination of red plums boiled with some sugar (the drink was then put into the fridge for 4 hours to cool down) and some cold fruit tea, spoke with a small grin on his face. "Barbatos seems like the type of father that would go to the supermarket for milk, and then won't come home for 23 years. I thought Simeon was his dad?"

 _"Didn't your father do the same though, Solomon?"_ Simeon says, a very cute and polite smile adoring his features and gets a shocked gasp from Asmodeus, plus a smirk from Lucifer, who's been quietly listening the entire time. Noah's and Noel's chuckles made them look at each other in confusion, wondering what was funny. "Haha, baby no. Solomon's dad didn't left the family. Ours did." 

"He said he was going outside to have a beer, but that beer was all the way in Edimbourg and had much bigger tits then my mother." Noel's straight tone caused Noah to laugh and nod in agreement, while Diavolo and everyone with an inch of common sense smiled sadly. They all knew the twin's family background wasn't the best and full of bizarre situations, and this was one of them. Wanting to find a way to change the subject, Satan asked the forbidden question to Noel. 

"Can you play the guitar-"

"Ukulele."

"Fine. Ukulele. Can you play it?"

"I can."

"Great. Play us a song then."

The younger human stared into the eyes of his twin, as if there was a camera there, with a blank face and eyes that twinkled with excitement. "It's time."

"Noah, don't tell me you're going to play _that._ "

"What even is the song about? It can't be worse than Boku no Pico opening, right?" Leviathan asks.

"It's a traditional human song that is sung by human males whenever they break up with someone. To cope with it, in a way." Noah gives an half assed respond and turns back to his brother. "Look, I am still bitter about my break-up with Stacy from the Devildom History class. That bitch cheated on me with Asmodeus because she told him she was single." A small "Hey! It wasn't my fault..." came from the beautiful demon, but Noah didn't pay any attention to him. "And I need a way to be happy. I'm sure everyone in here got screwed over at least once in their lives. Am i right?"

A jumble of "Well, yeah.", "Mm-hm ", "Do you remember how many ants you've stepped on?", "Yep.", "Unfortunately.", "Yes.", "At least Diavolo has Lucifer.", "I wish." and "You make me want to die, Barbatos." echoed in the room, confirming Noah's suspicions and earning a sigh out of his older brother.

"Okay, fine... Ama Lucifer seni sikerse bana kızma.*"

"Oh don't worry about that. He will love it either way."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" The person in question asks, his red eyes glowing annoyance.

"Nothing." They both say at the same time and Noah takes his ukulele under the couch. "I put this bad girl here so Mammon won't try to steal it... I guess it's time to put her into use." Putting his fingers on the strings of the small instrument and giving a satisfactory smile to everyone on the room, he started to play it. "This goes to everyone in here that got cheated on, or ghosted by their partners..."

_Bitches ain't shit but holes and tricks,  
Lick on these nuts and suck the dick,  
Get the fuck out after you're done,   
And hop into my ride to make a quick run~_

_Bitches ain't shit... Mm-hm, **Man fuck these bitches**  
Lick the nuts...   
And suck the dick..._

_Bitches ain't shit...  
Mm-hm,  
Lick the nuts...   
And suck the dick... **Yeah...**_

**Author's Note:**

> Ama Lucifer seni sikerse bana kızma (Turkish) = But don't be mad at me if Lucifer fucks you up. (English)
> 
> Song by Filthy Frank lmao


End file.
